Friday, November 8, 2013

My heart has been troubled for many years, today it has been made a bit lighter. Here is a very real, raw post. please be kind.


Nov 8th 2013

I was in the shower, where I do my “thinking” and this morning this is what came to me.
I was thinking about the words spoken to me in a blessing and how he said my troubles wouldn’t bother me anymore.

My thoughts turned to my dear grandpa and of him being the sweetest, most gentle kind, loving human being I have ever know to walk this earth. My face is now suddenly wet…
I wondered how it was he came to be this way. Are we born this way? Maybe, a bit yes. Or is it grown out of us? It was then I realized we are not so different.


 My mother is a special spirit; they say these “afflictions” are a blessing and a veil of protection to those people. I have always looked at my mother this way. It hurts my heart to think she is not even quite 50 years old and is a schizophrenic in addition to the 6-year  “recent” development of her adding a paraplegic to that. I specifically asked before my blessing: “ what’s my place in all of this?” “I know she has so much life ahead of her.” 


My blessing said I would have patience and courage – which I feel has no doubt been tested, but obviously more to come as well. “ a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” (insert tribute to Mr. Navy man and WWII vet ,grandpa- right here)

Others are placed in our life for a reason, a season, a blessing or a lesson. With out them how would we develop our talents and traits, stand up for what we believe in and know what’s important? Stand for something or fall for everything, remember who you are, be kind to everyone you meet for they are fighting a hard fight are just some of my favorite quotes from prophets.

Grandpa’s sweet mother was taken out of his life at a young age and was raised by a salty at best, usually sour stepmother. Posey recalls never ever receiving even a morsel of love from her. He was the youngest of three and felt abandoned. Grandpa grew up on a farm doing lots of hard labor. Then as a young man went off to war and was a cook on a navy ship. When he was honorably discharged and hanging out with the “good guys” at the roller rink he met my grandma . He got his high school equivalent. Grandpa said I believe, he only got to the 8th grade. He then used his G.I bill to finish school. Got married, bought a house, then an apartment building and eventually a restaurant called Snack Hut JR, all while raising and providing for his 4 children. When 2 of his adult children need extra care he did not shirk their need, in fact went above and beyond to what others would name spoiling. What he showed and lived, was that service is about when others need it, not just when it’s convenient for you.  At the beginning of his retirement he took on raising a “sweet granddaughter” and telling each and every person he met this, even at the grocery store. He gave all of his heart, mind, might and spirit to each person in his life. (No wonder he took so many naps!) He is the beautiful flower that grew from concrete. He is proof positive that it is your reaction to life that determines how you live it.  These experiences are what allowed him to flourish and choose joy. His character only grew when shown the adversary. He is truly a man of honor and god. I look back and wonder how he did all this and more.




Challenges are life’s opportunities for us not to shirk and show the world what we are made of. What am I made of?? I’m a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, will always take an opportunity to express to others my love for them. Love and thanks are gifts, but you must unwrap them for others to enjoy. I am a better cook than I was 5 years ago. I have always “taken the path less have traveled on and it has made all the difference.” I know that it is no mistake that I am born for here and now- to be female and live in the USA. LIFE IS HARD. But it’s also worth it, no matter the circumstance. He never said it would be easy, only worth it. You can choose to laugh or cry –crying requires more tissues.

My mother is a special spirit. She is here to bring about those qualities in me and for me to nourish her soul. She is here to teach me great patience and love so that I might one day become who I should be and for this I owe her my soul. How much love she must have for me to be willing to sacrifice and knowingly come to this earth in this condition.


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